Divorced w/Children

We would like to promote the wonderful life of being married and having children…while at the same time admitting that there are people that just do not want to be married and have children…either way is perfectly accepted.
Nothing in today's world seems to point towards saving marriages and preserving a child's life. We think that is sad. We think with a little effort we can help make a difference. We would like to give it our best shot…and if we help only one family…it will be that one family that will benefit from our efforts. If we can help save at least one child from being torn apart by the separation from one parent…it will have been worth EVERYTHING!

We know that all too often couples marry before they are old enough to vote, drink alcohol, or smoke cigarettes, and way to often they have not even graduated from high school. So many times they are even to young to sign a contract…which means they have to have someone sign with them to rent an apartment so they have a place to live. What's even sadder than that, they are so young and NO MONEY …they have to live with someone's parents.
We know the reason for marrying so young most often is the young girl is pregnant…so when this little bundle of joy arrives…he or she will land right in the middle uncertainty. Mommie and Daddy have vowed to do everything they can to make it work…even though their youth will very likely cause them horrendous trouble. We believe they mean to give this all they have to make it work…at the time they make the vow. However, we do not believe they have a clue how they are going to make this happen.
We believe with all our hearts that “IF” and we do mean “IF” a couple is going to get married for the reason of pregnancy…they should do everything they can to make it work. That does not mean to put yourself in harm's way, nor beg, nor degrade yourself…it means first of all, make sure you do not become a co-parent with a person that you cannot get along with. Don't put yourself in that position…no position…no pregnancy. First problem solved.
Now, after reading that last paragraph you are thinking, boy…it is not that easy and you are right… it is not .
Nothing about having children and raising them to adulthood is easy…especially when they are born to young people that are not even adults themselves.
Many, many organizations today are standing up to spread the word about not having sex before marriage, and we want to go on record saying,

We are not going to try to say to anyone, “Do not have sex before marriage” cause to be honest with you; it is none of our business. However we do want to go on record as saying, “If you are still in school or under the age of 18, unsure or unmarried, please be true to yourself and your future children by not having sex.” You and your future children will benefit from this very wise decision.

The laws are so different in every state, but we think this is universal and applies to this subject. If you are married and have a child, at the birth of that child…the little one belongs to both parents… equally . This little person has arrived for the both of you to raise…one Mommie…one Daddy…equals influence from both sides to make it balance.

You are both responsible for raising your child to the best of your ability. Mommie can stay at home and Daddy can be the one to work. As long as you are both happy with that, go for it.

If you prefer for Daddy to stay at home and Mommie be the one to work…and you are both happy with that…got for it.

If you feel your lives and the life of your child will be better lived with both parents working…and you are both happy with it…go for it.

We would now like to mention the things that can cause so much pain for everybody, but especially your children.

If Mommie and Daddy can't get along, and there is more reason to split then there is to stay together, then there is something wrong with our system.

The average marriage last seven years…that makes the little people way to young to tell the judge who they want to live with.

These are the things that are facing young families today…without consideration of the children.

MOMMIE SAYS

•  If I divorce him…I will get X amount of dollars for child support…and there is nothing he can do to stop me from spending it the way I want to. Remember all the bills have to be paid from that child support…that money is to take care of your child…not you. You don't want him anymore…so you will have to take care of yourself.

•  If I divorce him…I can spend all the time I want with my friends. Yes, you can spend as much time with your friends as you want…after you take care of your children. But remember…you still have to cook and clean and wash clothes for your children…and do school work, and teach them the things they need to learn - all alone…cause Daddy doesn't live there.

•  If I divorce him…he won't be able to tell me what to do anymore. This is so true…he can't tell you what to do…you can't tell him what to do…the two of you are no longer one…but you still have those little people that come from both of you. You must remember to respect each other in front of your children…after all…you chose that parent for them…they love that parent…even if you don't any longer.

•  If I divorce him…we won't be fighting all the time. Well, we are just not sure this is true. We think maybe there is more fighting after divorce…if both parents can't learn to share and share alike where their children are concerned…we suspect the fighting only gets worse…it is just about so many different things…or…maybe worse about the same things that caused the divorce in the first place.

•  If I divorce him…I will have every other weekend free to do as I please…cause he will have the kids. This is very true. Every other weekend free from the kids…half holidays…parts of summer…every other birthday and the list can go on and on…if you do it right and in the “BEST INTEREST OF YOUR CHILD” BUT, you have to understand…the only way this works…is for the two adults to get along and make it work for the sake of the children. EVERYONE”S lives will be full of “RIGHT” if you start out doing what is “BEST FOR YOUR CHILDREN” Both parents is what is right for the children…otherwise…you could have a baby without any help from another living soul.

•  If I divorce him…I won't have to cook and clean and keep his clothes washed. This is true…but you still have to do for your children…and there will be no one to help.

•  If I divorce him…my mother can come by anytime she wants…and stay as long as she wants. Yes, this is also true, BUT do you really want to spend that much time with your mother and have her tell you what to do and when to do it?

•  If I divorce him…I will get to keep the house. Oh yes, the house, yes if you have children…you most likely will get to keep the house. You will also get all the repairs…the upkeep…the yard work…and you get to live there all alone with your children.

•  If I divorce him…I will get to keep my car and he will have to pay for it. Well, this one might work too…if you need a car for the raising of your children…and you can't make the payments and the two of you have more than one vehicle…you will probably get one of them and he might even have to pay for it…or at least help pay for you to have a ride for your children…however he won't have to keep up the repairs…pay for your gas…pay for the insurance…change the oil…buy the tires…or…wash it.

•  If I divorce him…and I am not working…he will have to also pay me alimony. And just what makes you think you should get alimony? You picked him and married him…you had children with him…now you do not want him anymore…why should he have to pay you to be gone?

•  If I divorce him…and he doesn't pay his support on time…I can have him thrown in jail. This is one of our favorites…you throw him out…you are getting child support that leaves him with little or no money…he gets behind…SO THROW HIM IN JAIL…makes no sense. If he is doing all he can…and he gets behind…putting him in jail is not going to get you the back support…it is going to hurt your kids…and when he gets out…you have to face him and your kids. Not something you will enjoy…not at all.

•  If I divorce him…and I do go to work…I get to claim the kids on my taxes and he has to pay the taxes on the money. Yup, this one is one of the really bad ones. He pays taxes on the money…you don't work…you get to claim the kids…you get money back you didn't even pay in…boy this one is really one that make men very angry.

•  If I divorce him…he has to keep insurance on the kids…if I am not working…or can't afford to have insurance…then he will have to pay what is not covered by his insurance. Your children are the only ones that will suffer on this one. If he can't pay and you won't pay the insurance or half of what is left owing…the doctors start trying to collect up front…Mommie won't take them when they need to go and who is hurt…yup…once again…the children.

•  If I divorce him…I will get all these benefits…and he will have to follow the rules or the kids will be kept from him…that will keep him in line. Keeping him in line is probably one of the problems you had when you divorced…if you couldn't keep him in what you called in line and you keep his kids from him…why on earth do you think the courts can keep him in line if they too will not let him have equal time with his own children that he is trying to stay above water to support.

•  If I divorce him…my kids will understand…cause I am their Mother…and Mother is Always right… so says the court . Good luck on this one…no kid ever understands…no kid is ever at a point where they understand both sides all the time…so don't think they will give you a break…just cause you are their mother.

•  If I divorce him… I WILL BE A FREE WOMAN …and he will have to do what the court says…or they will lock him up or not let him see the kids. You were a free woman before you married him…now you are a divorced mother with children. If you had children with “NOT MR. RIGHT” and now you meet “Mr. RIGHT” chances are…Mr. Right is not going to be so Mr. Right even if you manage to marry him…things are so different when you come with children to the marriage.

DADDY SAYS

•  I didn't want to get married in the first place…she was pregnant. Boy, if men say this to their wives…we are sure she gets very hurt and angry…this is one of the worse things a man can say to his wife…never do this.

•  All I want to do is take care of my kids. Once that divorce is signed and…the judge orders everything…this is the most common thing out of a man's mouth.

•  She can go to &%#@ as far as I am concerned…I just want to spend time with my kids. When things start to get sticky after the divorce…men just want to be with their kids. They miss the heck out of them and don't get to see them often enough.

If the truth were known… most men…not all of them…but most of them would do anything to spend time with their kids. Especially after things really get sticky with the ex and he gets in all kinds of trouble for being behind with support…all he ever wanted in the first place was to be with his kids.

•  I don't have enough money left to live. We know of a man that was reduced to sleeping in his truck…while his ex lived in the house that he built himself with her new man…he did everything he could to keep up with the support…but it was impossible to make ends meet and pay the support too…so he moved into his truck and…only kept his son in the day time on the weekends while it was cold…cause he had no place for his son to sleep…once it warmed up…they camped out on the weekends and he could stay with his dad at night. This is wrong…so wrong.

•  The judge says get another job. Yup, get another job…that is the first thing a judge will tell them when they come to court and can't pay what they have been ordered to pay. That really solves everything…now they might be able to pay more with that second job…but now they have no time to spend time with their children. Yup, way to go judge…this fixes everything…wait till the kids get wind that daddy couldn't see them cause he was working two jobs to pay Mommie…while Mommie stayed at home and made her life and the lives of her children pure %$@&.

•  She ain't even working…and the judge says get another job. This is one that the children will have a field day with. Judges are making children pay by being left without a Daddy while Mommie doesn't work.

•  She won't let me see my kids…so I quit paying her. They say child support and visitation have NOTHING to do with each other…but my friend we are here to tell you…that is not so. They will take Daddy away from a child in a heartbeat if he gets behind…and it doesn't matter what the reason for being behind is…it has no baring on it at all.

•  They put me in jail for not paying…but won't do anything about her not letting me see my kids. We know of a case where children were hid in the playground parking lot at a school when their Daddy came to pick them up for visitation. Their mother told them…I will show your Daddy…I don't have to do what the judge says. The next time he had them they told him this…he called his attorney…and was told…wait another two weeks and see what happens. Years went by and no one ever did anything about any of it. This is wrong…children are paying for this as well as the Daddy and his family.

•  My kids want to live with me…but no, the judge says I have to pay and they will continue to live with their mother. We know of children that begged to go talk to the judge…they wanted to tell him to please let them live with their Daddy…but they were not old enough and there was nothing that Daddy could do.

•  She sends my kids to me without clothes for the weekend…what do they do about that… nothing . Men pick up their kids and find they have brought No clothing…they go buy clothes…send them home with the kids…never see the clothes again. They come again…no clothes…not even the ones he bought the last time.

•  She tells my kids lies about me all the time…what does the court do… nothing. We don't have a clue how to tell you how bad this one hurts kids…it is bad to think your daddy is a bad person…you should never say bad things about a child's daddy…even if he is bad…you chose him…and if they love each other…let it happen…it is the best thing for your child.

•  She won't let them bring presents home with them from my family or me…what is done… nothing. We know of children that were not allowed to take presents home from daddy, grandma or anyone in Daddy's family…we know of a time when a mother ran 83 miles an hour down the road with the children banging on the window begging for help and all the while Mommie is trying to throw out an Easter basket that the smallest child brought home from visitation with daddy…would the law do anything…they road out to the house and talked to the middle child… and then told Daddy he would have to leave…one of the officers did tell the Daddy to never give up, but there was nothing he could do.

•  She sets my kids up to ask for things she should be paying for with child support…knowing I can not turn them down…then after she gets what it is she wants…she won't let me see them…and, who cares… no one . This one can go both ways. Mommie will put the kids up to asking Daddy for money just so Daddy has to turn them down and the kids will be hurt…thus showing that he is a bad person…while the truth of the matter is…he didn't have the money. OR…if he has the money…he will give it to them…then when he can't pay his support…it is OFF TO JAIL WITH HIM. Once again…he is the bad guy and the kids pay the price.

PEOPLE WONDER WHY MEN ARE SO ANGRY…AND SOMETIMES DON'T DO AS THE COURT SAYS…THEY EITHER CAN'T AFFORD IT…THEY ARE TRYING TO PAY THE EX BACK FOR WHAT SHE IS DOING TO HIM…OR THEY JUST FLAT OUT GIVE UP…DOES THE COURT CARE THAT CHILDREN ARE THE ONES THAT ARE SUFFERING FOR THIS…NOPE…THE COURT…THE JUDGE…NO ONE EXCEPT DADDY AND GRANDMA MOST OF THE TIME CARE AT ALL.

We encourage you to marry the love of your life…if that is what you want. We encourage you to have children…when you are ready and you are sure it is right for the both of you. But, first…make sure they are the love of your life…and not just…your love for the moment…no one deserves to go through bad times…but if you do not pick a mate carefully and love them before and after everything is said and done…then they are not the love of your life and they never will be. All we ask…and we ask it for the children…BE SURE…BEFORE YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THAT POSITION.