Think of this; the day you were born you felt the warm touch of a mother and a father. You hear, the I love you's flying around all over the place. You hear the comforting cries of all that love, and you sense that you have arrived into what is now known as “Your World”.
WOW, what a wonderful place to eat, sleep and drink. Someone is there to feed you, and rock you to sleep, and change you when you need it after all the eating and drinking. You notice it is Mommy and Daddy, and maybe even a few other loving kinfolks like MeMa, PaPa, Maw Maw, Paw Paw, aunts and uncles and oh yes, all those other people, like neighbors and maybe even sisters and brothers. You get the picture!
So now that you are on the same page with me, think about this. If you are an infant, and you lose a parent, you lose a little part of your world. If you are a toddler, things start to get a little more complicated. You realize they are gone and it upsets your world. It makes you feel unsure, and confused. As you get older the loss of a parent gets harder and harder to deal with. Your world really begins to crumble and become unstable if one or the other is gone from your life. You don't always know what is wrong, but you do know that your world will never be the same if they do not come back. Now, when you reach those teen years, even though you don't want people to know that you depend on ANYONE, but yet, when a parent leaves your daily life, you are devastated. Now, if you want to add fuel to the fire, one parent leaves, and the one you are left with is so deep within themselves that you are left to deal with your pain all on your own.
No two people in this world get along forever, without some kind of conflict, at some point. There are two choices when that happens, either it is worked out, or it's not. That is the only two choices there are. However, when two people CANNOT work it out, then they do the only thing left, they split up.
Now, I am sure by now you fully understand what I am saying, and wonder just where I get off rattling like this. Well, hang on here it comes.
If you are a child in the mix of all this turmoil, and Mommy and Daddy scream, and shove, and slam doors, and stomp out, where does that leave you? You are with one or the other, and sometimes if there is more than one child, you end up split up between the two of them, and without each other.
What are you supposed to do if you are a child? You love them both, but you end up with only one of them. The one you are with is mad at the other one and some times hates them beyond belief. So the one you are with says bad things about the other one.
Then when you get to see the other one, you are happy. You have been really scared that you would never see them again. You hug and kiss and stay close by while you are with that other parent. Then you have to go back to the one you are living with. Now here is the really tricky part. You know they are mad at each other. You know they both want you and you want them both, and you also know that ain't happ'nin.
Now if things don't change, you will end up with Mommy most of the time. She ends up hating Daddy, and then she wants you to hate him as well. Then she finds a way to keep Daddy away, then she tells you that Daddy don't want to see you, and then you don't get to see him and guess what, after awhile you begin to think maybe Mommy is telling you the truth and Daddy really don't love you anymore and he isn't ever coming back. How would you like to be in that child's shoes now?
Mommies and Daddys, if you strike out to hurt your partner, you will hurt them, have no doubt, if that is what you want, then, go for it. You will hurt them, cause you know them better than anyone, and so you have what it takes to hurt them. But STOP, wait, WHO else are you hurting? Oh me, it is your child, the child that you BOTH brought into this world. The child you BOTH claim to love. So now, what are you doing? You are ripping the heart slap out of the body of the child you BOTH love. The child you BOTH brought into this world.
So now, you have done what you thought was right. So lets get the full picture of these actions. Your child now goes to bed at night and cries itself to sleep. They lose their self-esteem, cause they think Daddy doesn't love them anymore. They start believing the things that Mommy is telling them. If Mommy manages to keep Daddy away for an extended period of time, then she finally convinces them that she was right, cause GUESS WHAT, he ain't there, and if he ain't there, then she must be right and he don't care. It is no longer “Father Knows Best”. We live in a society today that believes that Daddys are bad if they are divorced from their children's mother.
Keep them Happy!
Let them have BOTH Parents! |
Now I gotta tell you this. If you do this to your child, you are harming them in a way that they will never get over. When they finally get out from under your roof, they will do one of two things. They will either go looking for their Daddy, or they will go looking for something to replace the hurt they have inside them. If they chose to look in all the wrong places for that love that is missing, then you have got big problems, cause they will never find what they are missing in all those wrong places.
Now you ask, am I a psychiatrist? No, I am not. Now you ask, am I a therapist? No I am not. Well then I must be a psychotherapist! No I am not. Well, what the heck am I then? |
I am a 57-year-old grandmother that had this very thing happen to me. I don't need a degree to tell you what happened to me, and what you might be doing to your very own child.
Maybe you should start wondering about the rights of your children. The rights of the parents should come second, but they should never, not come at all. All have rights, and all should share in those rights as a family, even if you are no longer together. Your child needs you BOTH, and you BOTH need your child.
My Grandmother always said, “DO NOT WALK OUT THE DOOR WITH SOMEONE YOU WOULD NOT CONSIDER MARRYING”.
I am going to add something to that, DO NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO BE YOUR CHILD'S FATHER.
If you get into a relationship and have a child, and the relationship does not work, please remember your child has rights, protect them and put yours aside. Don't make your children pay for the mistakes that you and your partner made. If this happens and there is a child as a result, always remember you have created a life together. As the old saying goes, it takes two to tango. You and this partner both created this little person. Let them become what they can with the guidance and love of both of you and both families. If he is not right for you, whom do you blame? Yourself, your partner, your child?????? We know it is not the child's fault, so please don't make them pay for it. |
